My Guide to Living Authentically
This article is a little away from my typical agile, change agent, transformation, and IT blogs, but it has been on my mind ever since the SAFe conference September 2022:
I was leaving a discussion with a couple of agilists and mentors in the industry to get ready for the conference dinner and party. In parting I said, “Alright, I gotta go change into my party dress for the last day of the conference…and yes, of course, it will be covered in flowers and pink!” They chuckled with me, well aware of my typical feminine style choices.
One of them stopped me as I was turning and stated, “Yeah, well isn’t that a part of your brand? You want to rep that right?”
I turned to him, a little puzzled, “No…I mean, yes my brand has that aesthetic to it, but that is because that is…’me’. My brand is authentic to me and my personal style. So I dont really have to ‘rep’ anything different.”
From their responses and subsequent conversations, I thought about how that may not be true for a lot of people. My brand is authentic to me because I want to create a space for people to be able to bring their whole selves to the table. I came up in the industry where I really was the only one like me: young, female, energetic, loves florals, enjoys fashion, yet still a huge nerd, the list goes on.
I found out though, over my career, that a lot of people feel that way and feel like they need to fit into a mold or hide those parts of themselves to be successful or happy.
So here for your reading pleasure is my Guide to Living and Working Authentically from how I have built myself and my business as well as why I feel it’s important to live authentically in all aspects of your life.
As stated above, living authentically is a topic I’ve wanted to write about for a long time. Yet, while honestly examining the fundamental keys to authenticity for yourself can be complicated enough, it’s another thing entirely when exploring how they can apply to other people. Taking into account the myriad of different cultural, religious, ethnic, emotional, professional, and psychological backgrounds people can have, approaching the subject of how to live with authenticity requires humility and empathy. People are complicated creatures with complex lives. The practical principles and practices that engender authenticity in your own life may look wildly different for someone else.
If you couldn’t tell already, living authentically is one of my core values. It is a part of my brand and business’s core values. It is what I take into every challenging moment where my sense of self and worth comes into question. Unfortunately, I didn’t adopt it as a core value due to an impactful seminar I attended or an inspiring article I read. It was formed and reinforced as a result of years of pain, heartbreak, and a lack of connection to myself and others. It has become the way I choose to now guard myself, not with emotional armor, but by embracing the vulnerability that only comes from being wholly authentic with my whole self.
Warts and all. Pink and floral. Excited at tasteful scarves. Thrilled to fight nerds on the weekend. All of it. On the Table.
As a result, without additional, emotional armor outside of my whole self, I was able to make myself stronger, grow rapidly, and allow people to engage with the most beautiful parts of myself. I practiced authenticity daily so I could tell that part of my brain that thinks I don’t deserve love or connection, that not only is that not true, but people need my authentic self to live their best lives. I can help people by just being me.
To live and embody your whole self takes practice and time. To start, you can ask yourself these three questions I have defined as my:
Three Ways to Live Authentically
1. Living for your Inner Child: What would my childhood self feel proud of about who I am today?
2. Living for your Wiser Self: What would my future self feel proud of about who I am today?
3. Living for your Loved Ones: If I was a friend that needed me in my darkest moments, who would I need me to be?
Living for Your Inner Child
Living for your Inner Child creates a space for you to find yourself and exist in a playful way that is authentic to you. Your authenticity and vulnerability come with lighting up that inner child and moving forward with the things your inner child is most happy with day to day.
For example, my inner child is all about adventure and new, bright shiny things. I do not shy away from giggling playfully or my very enthusiastic reactions to sunsets, butterflies, or someone's very cute hat. I want my inner child to be proud of the way I engage and remain excited about life.
Living for Your Wiser Self
Living for your Wiser Self means never forgetting how fleeting time is on this planet and not getting dragged down by day-to-day frustrations. You have a wiser self in you that will carry on beyond the ups and downs and will provide a solid center of peace for yourself in times when living authentically becomes challenging. It means being aware of the parts of yourself that want to get swept up into now, without having care for your future self and the people around you that you hoped would live alongside you.
My wiser self always wants me to slow down, to take the extra time to enjoy my food or wine. My wiser self prompts me to seek out valuable stories to tell old and new friends. My inner wise woman allows me the grace to make mistakes and embrace all the joys and pain that come with time. As a result, I will always take the chance to stay a little longer at a park than necessary, and encourage my friends to pause and look at a beautiful view with me. I prioritize my health so that I continue to have many more years to share with those I love.
Living for Your Loved Ones
Living for your loved ones is one of the hardest questions to answer because living authentically can feel like a selfish act, but to truly be authentic in a way that connects you to the world instead of drives you away from it...you must remain open and vulnerable to the people around you. Your authenticity needs to shine like a haven for folks to feel like you are the friend they have secretly always had. You must find out the parts of yourself that enable trust, connection, and vulnerability, and help your fellow friends to rise from the dirt that life can kick everyone into. It is also about understanding what you are willing to give authentically based on your own abilities and boundaries.
My loved ones want me to be present and empathetic. They want me to have a listening ear that seeks to understand before seeking to counsel. They want a friend they can lean on while telling them when something like a job, a partner, or a situation does not seem to be serving them. I allow them to make choices for themselves. I am honest, but kind and will stick to the actions that will support them even after their dark moment.
I will listen to those moments that whisper 'I need you' when individuals at work or in my personal life are stuck or going through a challenging moment. I focus on what would build us, instead of what would build me. However, I never stray from being honest and open about my feelings and boundaries so that I not only help them, but myself in those situations as well. I guide my friends and allow them to guide me through kind honesty.
What are some other questions you might have for yourself? How does your authentic self show up for you? What are the other personas you can think about developing to create a better, holistic you?
Authenticity, to me, means freedom of self to pursue life, success, and friendship without unnecessary and painful personal barriers. Your career and your success will start to take on aspects of yourself and will reward you with challenges that grow *you*, not your barriers.
